Growing Through Big Emotions: Supporting Kids with Extra Needs
Managing big emotions? Let’s stand in solidarity sister because it can be one of the more challenging aspects of parenthood as your kiddos get older. As many of you know, my son Kamden has a developmental delay which essentially means that his brain is a little behind for his age and while we wholeheartedly know that he will catch up, it comes with a few challenges that a lot of parents will have typically overcome by this age. Kamden is a very tall for his age five year old and that alone can make it really easy to forget sometimes that parts of his development are atypical and some of his big emotions and feelings are discoveries that a lot of kids make when they are a little bit younger than Kamden – with all that said, it doesn’t make communication about these big feelings and big discoveries any less or more complicated but rather serves as a reminder to meet your kiddo where they are at, don’t compare them to their peers and don’t take this as an opportunity to be harsh on your parenting skills thus far.
We’ve been going through what I believe to be a big mental leap and with that comes that discovery of big new feelings and reactions that match. In our case, it meant some screaming, some crying, some hitting, some sensory overload and some shared moments of tears with both Mommy and son. There was a period where I was ready to throw in the towel (like that’s an option right ha) and convinced that I had don’t something astronomically wrong as a parent for my kiddo to all of a sudden have these big out of character outbursts, but then I realized that if I am entitled to days where I feel overwhelmed and emotional and struggle to maintain my composure as an adult, why would I think that Kamden doesn’t deserve the same grace as he experiences these emotions for the very first time? I did some millennial mom research (IYKYK) and connected with one of my dear friends that has a son with similar qualities as Kamden and came up with a few tips and tools that have helped us so far and could help you!
If your child is experiencing anger, give them space to calm down: Sometimes trying to calm you kiddo down mid tantrum can make things more challenging and actually increase the reaction from your child. If they are in a safe space, let them have a few moments to regulate their bodies before you try to have a conversation. I know with my own kid, trying to touch him, hug him, pick him up during a tantrum only prolongs it rather than diffuse it.
Get down on their level: Once they’ve calmed, get down on their level and encourage conversation about why they are upset. This will help you find their trigger and determine the conversation you can have with them about that trigger in the future.
Don’t take it personally: Your child is learning about what it means to make sense of the feelings they have in their brains and sometimes that may come out in ways that are uncharacteristic for your kid or make hurt your feelings. Do your best to know that your child isn’t trying to make you feel bad, they aren’t trying to push you away and they aren’t intentionally being mean or rude or naughty – they’re doing their best to understand what they feel and be sure to give them some grace.
Talk about emotions and what they are: This is an area that has been challenging for us with Kamden’s speech delay, its not always something we were able to communicate effectively with him until recently. I was doing the ole TikTok doom scroll and stumbled upon a book called Feeling Flips – I found this one on Amazon that has been so helpful in not only helping Kamden identify his emotions but identify coping mechanisms in a way that is age appropriate and easy to process. There are a few versions out there and while this one is the cheaper version, I still find the contents so incredibly valuable, and I highly recommend – I even bought one to donate to his school! You can find it on Amazon here!
We’re by no means out of this stage yet, it will be something we continue to work through in the coming weeks and months, but these tips and tools have helped us understand the stage we’re in so that it’s a safe space for our family to grow. We got this and so do you!
**Caveat this with a quick note that I am not a medical or mental health professional, and my advice is not rooted in formal education but in my own experiences as a mom to an atypical child: If you have concerns on child’s behavior or development please speak with your pediatrician.